The Big Picture

i want to talk about trials.

let's think about Jesus real quick.

take a minute and think about his life.

think about how fair his life was.

his closest friends betrayed him.

when he went to Gethsemane he asked his two

disciples to stay up with him.

only to come back to find them sleeping.

he was a great man.

even perfect.

yet he was laughed at, scorned and spit on.

he was crucified.

but why?

simple question isn't it.

if he didn't suffer.

if he didn't complete the plan.

all men would be lost.

he had to go to the very bottom.

bleed from every poor.

be spit at,

made fun of,

betrayed,

to save all man kind

and to help succor his people

nothing was really fair about Christ's life.

nothing.

his life was hard.

unbearable.

unfair.

but he kept the mission in sight.

save all men kind.

often we say trails are to make you stronger.

they teach you.

that trails are all about you.

and your growth.

you often find your self asking

"What is the good of this? Why me? Why now?

What am I supposed to learn from this"

have you ever asked yourself why not?

have you ever thought that just maybe a trial wasn't just for you.

that maybe it was for someone else.

to help save someone else.

i believe that sometimes we have to go

through things to help others.

to save some one.

we have dark times in our lives.

little Gethsemenes

sometimes we have to suffer

sometimes we have to hit rock bottom

to know how to lift others up.

to help understand others.

to be more like Christ.

how often do we loose sight of the big picture?

that this life isn't about just us.

it's about everyone around us.

the more i live this life

the more i realize

it isn't nor was it ever just about me.

it's about everyone else.

it's making sure everyone gets there too.

life isn't fair sometimes.

but thats not really the point.

Life.

it seems to be the topic of my conversations as of late.

i find myself saying the same thing over and over again.

"In life everything you never thought of will happen."

life is crazy.

bizarre is a better word.

sometimes it feels as though nothing is changing.

yet everything is so different.

you can have days, weeks, months, even years of

a losing streak.

where it's one thing after another.

you feel like your drowning.

and yet it always stumps me everytime.

when things fall apart.

when everything is chaos and nothing fits.

when you can't swim anymore

some piece of hope finds you.

someone pulls you up for a second, a minute, an hour

or even a day.

and your rejuvenated.

your still drowning, your still fighting

but it's okay.

cause you have strength to fight just a little

bit longer, a little bit harder.

so many times i sit on my couch

and think how did i end up here?

why snowy, cold, isolated Idaho?

i am a big city girl

that always ends up in small towns.

(the biggest irony of my life)

i know it's right.

this is where i am supposed to be

and it's hard sometimes.

to find a reason.

to stay

to want to make a life here.

i have so many reason to pick up

and go somewhere else.

so many excuses waiting to be used.

but thats not the point is it.

im here for a reason right?

then why am i so ready to run from it?

<3

Yours Truly

fix you - cold play

Birthday's, Paul Mitchell, and Halloween Oh my!

THE SHAWS CAME!

They surprised me awhile back

and it was sooooo good to see them and have a

little piece of home here.

we all went to the temple

but the wind was a little out of control

which is unfortunately completely normal

but fun nonetheless.

So I guess I should probably update about my actual life here.

well lets start of with my friend Megan from School

has her 20th birthday so a bunch of us girls went out

to Craigos and had a little party.

it was loads of fun

I am really loving Paul Mitchell

I have passed core with a 99%

Yay!

And last week and this week

I've been assisting people on the floor

and Saturday I start taking appointments.

CRAZY!

But I am really excited for it.

I have already done a men's cut.

which he liked a lot.

and I feel pretty confident.

although I need to review cutting a little bit.

:)

overall

I feel like i have found my place.

For Halloween I went to Utah

for a much needed break

but before I ran off a bunch of the Paul Mitchell girls

got together for a little Halloween party out of town.

Melissa was Harry Potter....

one of the funniest things of my life.


and Kelsie was a poodle skirt girl...

what do you call those girls?

anyway it was fun to have a little fun.

then I ran over to Utah

where I was lucky enough to hang out

with my girl Sarah

and these crazy kids for the weekend.

it was so good to just get away before i'm snowed in.

But we visited Justin and Tyler (Summer Boys)

and I experienced Cafe Rio for the first time

along with getting my Chipotle fix...

which i was in dire need of.

I did not dress up for Halloween even though

everyone was joking that I should be

Little Bo Peep.

For Paul Mitchell

I was a runner.

because we all know I don't run.

haha

well I think thats about it :)

I'm having a really good time.

it's different here.

and sometimes it's hard.

But it's good.

This Place

" I wish I could show you when you are lonely or

in the darkness the astonishing light of your own being"

~Hafiz

this place is changing me

it's changing how i view things.

myself and relationships to be specific.

if you know me at all.

you know that i am a huge cynic about relationships.

Now I like to think that doesn't come out when

i am helping a friend.

maybe it has.

it's hard to say.

i try very hard to keep it in check

except when talking to really close friends.

if it has i apologize sincerely.

I don't think i have always been a cynic

a lot of it has to be from experience

whether personal

or from friends

i have a knack for picking up on my friends

issues while trying to help them through it all

it's been a problem

that I didn't notice until a lot of damage was

already done

i have since recognized the issue

and been working on it.

moving away

from a lot of that crap

was really good for me

it helped me put my head on straight

prioritize my thoughts.

moving here was necessary for my health.

because i couldn't do it any other way.

i tried.

and failed.

i was literally drowning

i couldn't let it go.

i am learning where I start and end.

what i can handle and can't.

i'm learning to stick up for myself.

i'm finding my voice.

a voice i had no idea i had

or let alone knew how to use.

I am learning to believe in myself.

I am learning about my worth

and what i deserve

which i am ashamed to admit

is a lot more than i thought.

for the first time in my life i

am literally doing something for me.

something i don't think i have ever really fully done.

I am learning to meet people's personal

needs and some wants

i am relearning how to show people that i care

while still staying true to who I am.

without losing myself.

I am sticking up for the woman inside me

she's making her way out.

It's who i've always been

who i knew was inside me somewhere

i just had to make room for her to grow.

i had to let things, issues, and people go.

i had to make room for myself

i still have a lot of growing.

a lot of discoveries left to make.

i have a lot of me left to find.

but this place is changing me.

"Ever since happiness heard your name,

it has been running through the streets trying to find you."

~Hafiz

<3,

Yours Truly

Benton Paul - Walls

Realization # 87679854300

I have come to the conclusion that

who we think we are as a person and who we really are

are sometimes two very different things.

Legendary.

i saw this commercial today

and i am so glad someone taped it and put it on youtube.

I laughed forever.

i am not sure which i like best though.

the couple dancing on the couch or

the part where there is a snuggie for your dog which happens to wear glasses...

<3

the danger of a broken heart is not the pain.
not the tears, or anger.
not the ache, not the loneliness,
not the quiet, the empty seat, the bed now much too big.

the danger of a broken heart is what we have to repair it with.
mistrust, hopelessness, faux comfort.
independence.
the oaths we take. what we swear to ourselves.
the danger is self-reliance.

the danger is that these stitches in our heart don't fall out.
that they are there to stay.
because they must.

the danger is that we know it isn't about love anymore.
and,
it isn't about how perfect we are in our world.
it's about how perfect we are in theirs.

the danger is that two became one.
and a half of one...
well.

half is not whole.

but now we must make it so.

-lauren

i love being held. I love when I am in someones arms, and I know that they would do anything for me. yea, I know its selfish but that is what I love. I love waking up to someone and smiling and having them smile back. When you are cold, and you are sharing a blanket and you have their sweatshirt on. your hair is all a mess and your breath smells and you nuzzle up to their neck and they nuzzle you back and wrap their arms around you. and you smile. And fall right back asleep.

I love walking into a room and he smiles back at you, you work your way over, making googiley eyes just for fun until you reach him, and then he wraps you in a big hug and you say hi and act like you haven’t seen each other in ages. That is a great feeling.

Feeling the rush of his lips trail down your body, covering every spot of skin. Giving in to him, giving him what you both want. Feeling like one. Knowing your love will not fade. Knowing giving him that will make him keep you forever, just as you want.

The happy moments, the secret smiles. Going out with his family and saying something they don’t get, but he gives me that look that tells me he got it and he found it funny. Him telling me how beautiful I am in front of his family. Them looking at us and seeing how much we adore each other. The feeling of pride when his mom tells me she is happy her son has found someone so worth his love.

The tears after a big fight. And then him rushing over to dry them with kisses, not being able to sleep until he knows I am better.

The silent way people drift apart, the way the secret smiles fade. The fights end in crying with no one to hold you. the way your world seems to collapse, but you know this isn’t the way its supposed to be.

YELLING AT HIM TO FIX IT. even though you know you did more damage than he did.

After the break up, the feeling of betray as you look at another guy. Knowing you shouldn’t be looking, you don’t belong to them. knowing he still doesn’t look at anyone but you.

When you hang out, the way his eyes watch yours,the way they say sorry, the way you know he wants to kiss you and make all the pain go away. Trying your hardest not to cry because he refuses to become a couple together.

Being completely in love with him. and him with you.

Being best friends.

Him thinking he is not good enough, so he wants you to find someone that is.

You refusing to find someone else because you want him.

The complications. The tears. The heartache.

The feeling of love through it all.

-J

found these at Le Love

they both made me smile.